So, I said I wasn't going to talk about this, but it only took a dozen of my friends getting a great laugh out of it to convince me other wise...
There was a guy I recently met. He seemed nice enough, and I am in my new phase of being open minded in this whole dating thing. The first week, it was cool. A few conversations and text messages later we arranged to meet up. Nothing serious, just a very casual afternoon conversations. At this point I should have known there were issues, but I'm being open minded, right? Sign #1: during our first "date" he told me a long story about letting go of someone that didn't have time for him and then questioned me about being to busy to date. The situation with the last chick seemed a little too fresh, but I looked past it. He also went on and on about my NEEDING to cook.
After that, it was all text messages, Sign #2. ALL text messages? And no plans. Bad sign, but sometimes things can be adjusted if you just address them. So, he asked to see me and we went for coffee. A few times during all of our conversations, he had mentioned his myspace page, but I didn't pay it any mind. Hold that tid bit for later. I mentioned to him that I would prefer that he made plans if he really wanted to get to know me. Then the HUGE red light, Sign #3. He said "I don't want to be on schedule with someone I'm VERY interested in". Huh? You really think it's about being on a schedule? No, it's really about you making an effort.
The next morning, my grandfather passed away. My family and I had been on alert for 2 weeks and we knew it was going to happen, we were just waiting. So, he knew what was going on. I told him what had happened and then...nothing. Haven't heard from him since. That was Sign #4, the nail in the coffin! A couple days after that, I came across his myspace page on the page of another acquaintance. He told me all of the entertainment related things he did, but he left out something very important. He. Was. A. MIME.
Seriously, a MIME. I'm not playing, though I wish I was. And it seems he was a mime for Jesus at some point or another. I have no issue with what you choose to do or what your ministry is. If you've been called to something (for real) then do that, but be honest about it too. There was something silly about it. Mostly because he never even mentioned it. Was he embarrassed? Did he want me to find out on my own and then decide?
Ok, so the mime thing was a complete turn off for me, for a number of reasons. But, the turn off had actually started before that. Sign #1: It seemed to be all about what he wanted, Sign #2: I think I'm worth more than a text message. We all are. If you're serious, act like it. Pick up the phone. Text messages don't give me (or you)the benefit of tone of voice and inflection. Both of which are important pieces of communication. Besides, the last person that told me that they "don't really talk on the phone" was actually married. Someone else once told me that I'm special because they actually ANSWER the phone for me. Seriously. Sorry, but I'm over men making everything work for them and them alone. Then there was Sign #3: Making plans is an inconvenience for you? Actual dates are a problem? So, how exactly did you plan on convincing me to give you all the stuff YOU wanted? And the final straw, Sign #4: Something happens in my life and you disappear? Not even a text to ask how I'm doing? That tells me that you're immature and unable to handle anything that's not about you. I don't want you to fix anything or over involve yourself, but at least ACT like you give a shit about how I'm doing.
So, by the time I found out about the miming, I was already over it. That just provided me and my friends endless amounts of entertainment!
The point is early detection! If you pay attention off the bat, people will tell you if they're worth your time and energy. If they aren't you can move on before you've invested much. I used to be one of those "hang in there" women, who would hope that they'd change, I'd change them or they'd wake up one day and have an epiphany. It doesn't work that way. People will show you up front what they're about, what they have available to you and where they stand. It's up to you to decide to pay attention. So, I'm now very aware. I'm not worried about why he disappeared, it was for the best. It wasn't a fit, never would be. So both of us should find a better fit somewhere else. It's just that simple. It's like the doctor says, early detection is the best to way to ensure your health. They can treat, remove or revers anything that will harm you later. We should all be the doctor to our dating lives...
*A note: I don't care anymore. I'm talking. I'm writing. I'm relaying my experiences. I'm not putting anyone on blast, I WILL NOT DO IT so don't ask. This is about me learning form my experiences, not putting people out there.
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