So, I said I wasn't going to talk about this, but it only took a dozen of my friends getting a great laugh out of it to convince me other wise...
There was a guy I recently met. He seemed nice enough, and I am in my new phase of being open minded in this whole dating thing. The first week, it was cool. A few conversations and text messages later we arranged to meet up. Nothing serious, just a very casual afternoon conversations. At this point I should have known there were issues, but I'm being open minded, right? Sign #1: during our first "date" he told me a long story about letting go of someone that didn't have time for him and then questioned me about being to busy to date. The situation with the last chick seemed a little too fresh, but I looked past it. He also went on and on about my NEEDING to cook.
After that, it was all text messages, Sign #2. ALL text messages? And no plans. Bad sign, but sometimes things can be adjusted if you just address them. So, he asked to see me and we went for coffee. A few times during all of our conversations, he had mentioned his myspace page, but I didn't pay it any mind. Hold that tid bit for later. I mentioned to him that I would prefer that he made plans if he really wanted to get to know me. Then the HUGE red light, Sign #3. He said "I don't want to be on schedule with someone I'm VERY interested in". Huh? You really think it's about being on a schedule? No, it's really about you making an effort.
The next morning, my grandfather passed away. My family and I had been on alert for 2 weeks and we knew it was going to happen, we were just waiting. So, he knew what was going on. I told him what had happened and then...nothing. Haven't heard from him since. That was Sign #4, the nail in the coffin! A couple days after that, I came across his myspace page on the page of another acquaintance. He told me all of the entertainment related things he did, but he left out something very important. He. Was. A. MIME.
Seriously, a MIME. I'm not playing, though I wish I was. And it seems he was a mime for Jesus at some point or another. I have no issue with what you choose to do or what your ministry is. If you've been called to something (for real) then do that, but be honest about it too. There was something silly about it. Mostly because he never even mentioned it. Was he embarrassed? Did he want me to find out on my own and then decide?
Ok, so the mime thing was a complete turn off for me, for a number of reasons. But, the turn off had actually started before that. Sign #1: It seemed to be all about what he wanted, Sign #2: I think I'm worth more than a text message. We all are. If you're serious, act like it. Pick up the phone. Text messages don't give me (or you)the benefit of tone of voice and inflection. Both of which are important pieces of communication. Besides, the last person that told me that they "don't really talk on the phone" was actually married. Someone else once told me that I'm special because they actually ANSWER the phone for me. Seriously. Sorry, but I'm over men making everything work for them and them alone. Then there was Sign #3: Making plans is an inconvenience for you? Actual dates are a problem? So, how exactly did you plan on convincing me to give you all the stuff YOU wanted? And the final straw, Sign #4: Something happens in my life and you disappear? Not even a text to ask how I'm doing? That tells me that you're immature and unable to handle anything that's not about you. I don't want you to fix anything or over involve yourself, but at least ACT like you give a shit about how I'm doing.
So, by the time I found out about the miming, I was already over it. That just provided me and my friends endless amounts of entertainment!
The point is early detection! If you pay attention off the bat, people will tell you if they're worth your time and energy. If they aren't you can move on before you've invested much. I used to be one of those "hang in there" women, who would hope that they'd change, I'd change them or they'd wake up one day and have an epiphany. It doesn't work that way. People will show you up front what they're about, what they have available to you and where they stand. It's up to you to decide to pay attention. So, I'm now very aware. I'm not worried about why he disappeared, it was for the best. It wasn't a fit, never would be. So both of us should find a better fit somewhere else. It's just that simple. It's like the doctor says, early detection is the best to way to ensure your health. They can treat, remove or revers anything that will harm you later. We should all be the doctor to our dating lives...
*A note: I don't care anymore. I'm talking. I'm writing. I'm relaying my experiences. I'm not putting anyone on blast, I WILL NOT DO IT so don't ask. This is about me learning form my experiences, not putting people out there.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
We know you can sing and everything but...
Hey folks! I'm writing this because I've noticed that over the last 10 years of so there's been a shift in focus in the music industry. They don't like talent any more. I'm not talking about the entire industry just the 5% that supply most of the commercial releases. The big boys that throw money behind the media blitz that tells us that, despite our actual appreciation for singers, we WILL need to buy Rihanna's latest offering.
A few years ago, when Jessica Simpson was first starting her reality show, she said on camera during an episode that her record label had told her to "stop singing so much" because the fans wanted someone they could sing along to. They basically told her to dial her talent down to make it more tangible. Now, this makes no sense to me because people used to be fans of singers, musicians, athletes and other entertainers because they had some sort of talent that set them apart from the rest of the world. But Jessica did what they asked, even when she didn't agree, and what resulted was a bunch of airy records that she had a hard time performing live.
If you've even watch a person who belts try to whisper through a song, it's painful. Mariah does it, Jessica does it and neither of them look like they're comfortably singing anything until they get out of their heads and into their diaphragm and do what they were originally signed to do.
The big box labels, which at this point are more like Big Lots than Target, used to sign singers. I was watching Monica's reality show and wondering why female artist can't sing like she did even at 14. Same with Brandy. Usher could sing, Christina could sing, even the boy bands could sing. And honestly, some of the artist we think of as non singers have more skill in the tapes of them as kids than any of their records would suggest. Take a look at an old tape of 9 year old Britney Spears and you wonder why 16 year old Britney was SO bad. At one point she was actually trying to sing.
But she was part of the beginning of this whole "sign someone we can mold into a star" thing. Talent is optional, and those who are serious about their craft need not apply. So what is happening is that they are now under producing the vocals of people with talent and throwing big budget effects on everyone else. Now, you better dial down the talent or go the independent route. And people who used to be singers are opting not to sing just to keep up.
Who had a bigger hit single, Mario or Brandy? When I first heard Mario's Break Up, I thought it was a god effort for a non singing studio artist. Then I found out it was Mario. Huh? But he can sing. Why was his lead single 3 notes of repetition? Why wasn't he singing and why was he auto tuned to death? On the other hand, Brandy actually sang (honey, SANG) Long Distance. The song disappeared as soon as we heard it and the video was right behind it. Break Up won't go away, because of course Gucci Man and Sean Garrett are such gems. I'm being sarcastic, but you get the point.
But can someone explain what happened to me? Omarion's new single, he's not singing at all. He's basically talking. And Jerimih...I feel sorry for the kid. I think Birthday Sex was one of the most horrible songs I've heard in a long time. Break Up to Make Up, is a much better single. BUT, my issue is this, it only took me seeing a clip of him live one time to know that he got screwed. He plays keys and he actually can sing. They took that talent and turned it into Birthday Sex?
But, Jerimih took advantage of the game. He wanted on, he got on. What he's going to find out is that when he wants to really make a mark as a real artist with merit, no one will believe him. Talent or no talent, we'll be holding Birthday Sex against him for the rest of his career.
I know that part of the problem is that the record industry is no longer being run by people who can actually MAKE records anymore. There are a handful of exec who can still play or produce, but even they are under the watchful eye of the companies that have financed them and kept them going. It's now about the numbers and if T-Pain makes money, then every single record that comes out needs to have the best possible chance of making some of those dollars. So, get in there and auto tune something! If Kanye makes different sell, then please somebody throw on some neon and talk about your angst.
Sing? Play? No one can prove to us in the boardroom that you'll make money doing that, so we don't care! Yeah, Beyonce can sing, but no one cares as long as she pops something. So, Esther Dean, we need you to make a song about your ass if this is going to work. We can't make money on an Anita Baker or Regina Belle (or even a Brandy or Monica) in 2009, but we'll give you Melanie Fiona and sell her as the "real deal". We know singers who sold millions 10 years ago can probably singe circles around her, but she LOOKS the part! We know you can sing and everything, but...
A few years ago, when Jessica Simpson was first starting her reality show, she said on camera during an episode that her record label had told her to "stop singing so much" because the fans wanted someone they could sing along to. They basically told her to dial her talent down to make it more tangible. Now, this makes no sense to me because people used to be fans of singers, musicians, athletes and other entertainers because they had some sort of talent that set them apart from the rest of the world. But Jessica did what they asked, even when she didn't agree, and what resulted was a bunch of airy records that she had a hard time performing live.
If you've even watch a person who belts try to whisper through a song, it's painful. Mariah does it, Jessica does it and neither of them look like they're comfortably singing anything until they get out of their heads and into their diaphragm and do what they were originally signed to do.
The big box labels, which at this point are more like Big Lots than Target, used to sign singers. I was watching Monica's reality show and wondering why female artist can't sing like she did even at 14. Same with Brandy. Usher could sing, Christina could sing, even the boy bands could sing. And honestly, some of the artist we think of as non singers have more skill in the tapes of them as kids than any of their records would suggest. Take a look at an old tape of 9 year old Britney Spears and you wonder why 16 year old Britney was SO bad. At one point she was actually trying to sing.
But she was part of the beginning of this whole "sign someone we can mold into a star" thing. Talent is optional, and those who are serious about their craft need not apply. So what is happening is that they are now under producing the vocals of people with talent and throwing big budget effects on everyone else. Now, you better dial down the talent or go the independent route. And people who used to be singers are opting not to sing just to keep up.
Who had a bigger hit single, Mario or Brandy? When I first heard Mario's Break Up, I thought it was a god effort for a non singing studio artist. Then I found out it was Mario. Huh? But he can sing. Why was his lead single 3 notes of repetition? Why wasn't he singing and why was he auto tuned to death? On the other hand, Brandy actually sang (honey, SANG) Long Distance. The song disappeared as soon as we heard it and the video was right behind it. Break Up won't go away, because of course Gucci Man and Sean Garrett are such gems. I'm being sarcastic, but you get the point.
But can someone explain what happened to me? Omarion's new single, he's not singing at all. He's basically talking. And Jerimih...I feel sorry for the kid. I think Birthday Sex was one of the most horrible songs I've heard in a long time. Break Up to Make Up, is a much better single. BUT, my issue is this, it only took me seeing a clip of him live one time to know that he got screwed. He plays keys and he actually can sing. They took that talent and turned it into Birthday Sex?
But, Jerimih took advantage of the game. He wanted on, he got on. What he's going to find out is that when he wants to really make a mark as a real artist with merit, no one will believe him. Talent or no talent, we'll be holding Birthday Sex against him for the rest of his career.
I know that part of the problem is that the record industry is no longer being run by people who can actually MAKE records anymore. There are a handful of exec who can still play or produce, but even they are under the watchful eye of the companies that have financed them and kept them going. It's now about the numbers and if T-Pain makes money, then every single record that comes out needs to have the best possible chance of making some of those dollars. So, get in there and auto tune something! If Kanye makes different sell, then please somebody throw on some neon and talk about your angst.
Sing? Play? No one can prove to us in the boardroom that you'll make money doing that, so we don't care! Yeah, Beyonce can sing, but no one cares as long as she pops something. So, Esther Dean, we need you to make a song about your ass if this is going to work. We can't make money on an Anita Baker or Regina Belle (or even a Brandy or Monica) in 2009, but we'll give you Melanie Fiona and sell her as the "real deal". We know singers who sold millions 10 years ago can probably singe circles around her, but she LOOKS the part! We know you can sing and everything, but...
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