32...

So, I'm now 32. Happy Birthday to me...again! And like every year round this time, I reflect, correct and grow a little more. This year, I really didn't feel like celebrating my birthday. Not because I don't like my birthday, but because 2010 has been a ridiculously busy year already. And a lot of fun! I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do that I hadn't done yet. Well, nothing I could afford anyway. I also didn't want to deal with the bullshit that happens every time I plan something for my birthday. People respond to the invitations with "I'm there!" Which really translates into "I'm there...unless something that benefits me comes up...or someone's throwing a more fabulous party than you...or I'm working...or I can't make a good enough excuse to leave my man/woman...or I procrastinate and miss the entire thing altogether."

That happens more often than not because I have, what I'd like to refer to as, a large group of acquaintances and a small group of friends. I can count my real friends on one hand. And they were great this weekend! Most people land in the large group of acquaintances. Fine by me. My social circle is fun, entertaining, talented and sweet. But unreliable as hell. LOL So, for the last few years, I've been learning to expect exactly what people are capable of and no more. It's working out great actually. I feel selfish at times, but I think you need to be to get what you want. At least a little bit. Not to the point of treating people badly, but at least to the point that you take care of you and be ok with that.

At 30, I learned that it was ok to be exactly who I am. At 31, I learned that it's ok to say "no, I won't keep giving of myself and getting nothing in return". At 32...well I'm not quite sure what I've learned yet. Though, I've definitely accepted that I know more than I realize and see things in terms of what's happening below the surface. It's a great tool to have. But it's not life changing. Every year, I learn a lesson that changes the way I live my life. Even slightly. I look back at 07-08, I was 29 having the hardest year of my life. Then look at my life now, I know that even a slight change makes a HUGE difference. I'm looking forward to figuring out what the lesson is this year...